Under Pressure

So frustrated!

Apparently BJ talked with my Aunt Maureen. They decided that I need to go to lunch with her. BJ informed me that I have a lunch date with her tomorrow at 12:30 pm. I was not asked – I was told.

I love my Aunt Maureen. I understand that if she wants to meet me for lunch, it means that she’s probably concerned and wants to make sure I’m okay.

However, being told that I “have” to go is making me panicky.

I am an adult, not a child. No one can make me do anything. Does anyone really think that backing someone into a corner and demanding that they do something is the way to help a person with anxiety problems?

I’m already feeling stressed about needing to return a call to my mother. OK, needing to return several calls to my mother. I just can’t deal with talking to her now. Our complicated history would need an entirely separate post – a series of separate posts, actually. For now, let’s just say that my mom is a chronic pessimist and tends to be very critical of everyone. She’s the last person I want to talk to when I’m already feeling down.

I’m not breaking any laws. I’m not neglecting my children. I’m not hurting anyone. (Well, aside from the financial impact of being unemployed, but I’m not physically harming anyone.) Back off and give me some space.

I know that people mean well and think they are trying to help. However, the only thing all this “help” is doing is making me want to run far away from everything and everyone. My love for my kids is only thing keeping me from walking out the door now and never coming back.